The Mummy Diaries – The night time intruder strikes again!

The Mummy Diaries – The night time intruder strikes again!

by Emma Hargan
article from Thursday 1, April, 2021

AH, WE ALL REMEMBER those newborn baby days don’t we? The cuddles, the newborn baby smell, the emotions, the puke, the lack of sleep. It’s all expected. People will actually sympathise when you lose your shit over somebody having the absolute gall to park next to you in a public car park…

“If I parked on the frigging moon some total asshole would park next to me!!”

“She’s just had a baby.”

“Aahh, how lovely!”

What’s not expected is when your toddler decides to go through yet another anti-sleeping campaign phase which doesn’t seem to ever end and although you manage to wing it for a week or so, your usual chilled-out manner starts to crack!

It all started a couple of weeks ago when Jamie landed home from play school with a runny nose. I just assumed it was because he had been playing outside all morning so I didn’t think anything of it. I went through the usual afternoon of doing jobs and chasing after Jamie with a tissue before he used his sleeves like a Kleenex. Total waste of time! Jamie was on good enough form and at bedtime we went through the normal routine of bath, pj’s, story and bed. Ah Friday night, sweet! My usual ritual of undoing all the hard work I had done throughout the week of eating healthy and following the Joe Wicks plan was destroyed with a party size bag of Doritos and a couple of G&T’s. (With low-calorie tonic I might add!) Bliss!

Another lovely lockdown evening spent getting fat and shitfaced and then as we head up to bed and try and tip toe past the kid’s rooms..


Fox. Ache.

It was Jamie. I walk in and the poor wee soul is dosed with a head cold and crying. Jamie is not a crier. Even when he was very small, Jamie wouldn’t cry unless there was something wrong. I had to source the Calpol from the back of the bathroom cabinet (one thing about full lockdown is we have avoided the dreaded playschool lurgy!). And after a few cuddles, tissues, some Calpol and a drink of juice, Jamie finally settled and I collapsed into my gin infused snooze.

And that was it. Jamie slept through the rest of night, but as usual, he was up with the birds at 6am bright and breezy, ready for the day. I on the other hand was ready to down the rest of the bottle of Calpol sitting on the side cabinet regretting the previous evening of self-sabotage!

“Let’s make rice crispy buns today mummy!”

Fox. Ache.

And then I have to switch back to mummy mode asap.

“Yeah sure Jamie, how are you feeling?” I ask.

“Aye fine!” Jamie replies happily. Phew…

“Muuuuuummmmyy!” Cries Lily.

Cough. Cough. Snot. Snot.

Uh oh. I quickly walk through to Lily’s room and she’s lying in her bed crying and clinging onto her cuddly bunny.

“I don’t feel good Mummy.” Says a croacy Lily.

Poor Lil was dosed now as well. So again after some Calpol and cuddles, Lily was starting to come around and announced she was starving.

Calpol is magic stuff! I wish they could invent something like that for adults – and before you say anything – Calpol doesn’t give you a hangover!

So, the rest of the day was spent like any other Saturday, doing the weekly food shopping, keeping the kids entertained and keeping on top of the mountain of washing that seems to appear like magic through the night!

That evening, we did the usual – bath, pj’s, story (some Calpol) and bed. Twenty minutes later and they were out cold. Great.

11.30pm – Kid check before bed. Snore! Snore!

Midnight – Sitting on phone scrolling through Facebook.. 

Fox. Ache.

Lights out.

2.30pm – “Mummy? Mummy?”

“Ahhhh! Don’t hurt me!!” I squeal before we realised it was just Lily.

“Can I get in beside you mummy?” Lily’s wee cute face looking up at me. I know I should have taken her back through to her own room but it’s just easier to go for the quick win. (Or so I thought!).

“Okay Lil, get in then.” I said quietly.

Two minutes later..

“Can I go and get bunny?” Asks Lily.

“No Lil, bunny’s sleeping. Shut your eyes now.” I whisper.

Two minutes later..

“Mummy? Can I have the rest of my mince and spuds now?” Lily asks.

“No Lily, it’s night time, go to sleep.” I say quietly.

Two minutes later..

“Do you want to sing a song mummy?”

“Lily! Go to fuu..”

‘You’re so pretty mummy!”

“Aww thanks honey, now sleepy time.” I say.

Two minutes later..

“Mummy, I need a drink?” States Lily.

James gets up out of bed at this point. “Fox ache, I’m going to sleep in Lily’s room!” 

4.45am. And after a drink of juice, a song and a round of eye-spy, Lily finally started snoring again.

I closed my eyes for what felt like ten minutes before forgetting that Jamie is usually up with the larks. 

“Mummy! Good morning!! Let’s make a cheesecake!!” Shouts Jamie cheerily.

FML – I’ll take a newborn any day! 

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