LET'S SEE if a guy sitting in an internet cafe in Lagos appreciates satire, shall we?
From: "RICHARD FREDERICK" <email@example.com
To: "Mreugenides" <firstname.lastname@example.org
Subject: VERY URGENT
Date: Wed, 22 Mar 2006 02:34:25 +0100
DR. RICHARD FREDERICK SAVIMBI
Goodday to you, I would here crave your distinguished indulgence in assisting us a hundred percent realize our heart desires. In the vain, your contact was gotten from the International Email Directory as directed by my late uncles wife Mrs. Irene Jonas Savimbi.
I am the only surviving nephew of the late rebel leader Jonas Savimbi of Angola and the executor to his immediate estate, given his death we have in our custody US$ 60,000,000.00(Sixty Million United States Dollars), which we will like to invest in your line of business .
Please, do not hesitate to send me a response intimating me of your interest. Once I receive a message from you notifying me of your interest, the details of the transaction/the terms and condition of sharing regarding the business would then be brought to your knowledge.
Your urgent response will be highly appreciated and will swiftly bring us to the commencement of the transaction. We hope to conclude this transaction within 10-12 working days. Do not forget to contact me on the receipt of this message via my Email address. And please you have to be confidential as regards this pending transaction.
I would also need you to send to me your confidential Telephone/Fax numbers and an alternate email address if the one used in reaching you is not confidential enough. I urgently await your response.Reply me through my private email address email@example.com
Dr. Richard Frederick Savimbi
From: Mr Eugenides firstname.lastname@example.org
Sent: Wed, 22 Mar 2006 14:35:03 +0000
Subject: RE: VERY URGENT.
Lovely to hear from you, Frederick. It sounds very interesting.
From what I can see, Uncle Jonas died four years ago. It's taking a while to sort out the estate, isn't it?
Please do get back in touch.
It's been so fustrating , since my uncle's death as family members/relatives are mounting unneccessary pressure on me as the only heir to this inheritance. I'm looking for someone, who i can trust and can be of help to me in investing this fortune. presently i'm in south africa, in search of any lucrative venture to tie some part of this wealth in.
My best interest, would be investing in any of the blue -chip companies oversea.
Can you be of help to me? i should be candid, to let you,that i've been diagonized twice of hyper-tension as a result of this ongoing tensions on me.
pls ,indicate your interest and let me compromise once and for all with you.
May God bless you.
Dear Mr Federick / Frederick (it was unclear from your email which it is)
It does indeed sound like a terrible situation to be in custody of this sixty million US Dollars. This is a lot of money.
I would like to help but in our line of business one can never be too careful. One hears terrible stories about the Internet these days. Can I be assured that you are a fit individual with whom to do business?
Also we have had some problems recently with investments in our organisation which came out in the press and gave us some bad publicity, as some troublemakers (the usual people, I am sure you know the type Federic) suggested that this money bought our investors undue influence in the policies of our organisation. Complete garbage of course but some people are just ungrateful. As is the treasurer of our organisation who claimed he knew nothing of these investments in order to make me look bad! I ask you.
It might well be possible to do something which would be to our mutual benefit. However I should inform you that we would prefer that any investment take the form of a "loan", this is purely for the purposes of ensuring that it does not have to be disclosed in our records and we can keep it nice and private and confidential as you have suggested. Of course it would not really be a loan.
I look forward to hearing from you. Can I suggest that in future you contact me on my more confidential personal email, which is email@example.com
Yours in God,
From: Richard Frederick <firstname.lastname@example.org
Mr. Eugenides, Thanks for your response, i was glad you offered to help ,with sincere intentions. i have informed Mrs. Savimbi(My late Uncle's widow) of your mail and the contents, she was quite happy too. But she insist on confidentiality and trust, which she says is the backbone of any successful venture.
Mr. eugenides, i must let you know, that you can count on me as an individual any word between you and i is a bond,only God is perfect. Pls inform me on the kind of organization you work in and the investment prospects that exist there. What do you suggest would be more of a mutual benefit to us ? and what sector of economy in your country do you prescribe for investment competent?
I shall be also interested if you can throw more light into the issue of loan as explained in your mail, do you think, i can be of a more safer side, in the event of a backclash?
Can you be so kind to also tell me about what you do for a livelihood, your country of birth and of residence, your age , profession and marital status, as well as your faith of worship.on receiving the above infos, I shall spell out to you our term of agreement.I sincerely would appreciate, if you include your full names and tel/fax # also.
Thank you,once again for rendering an assistance, and i look forward to reading from you soon. God bless you.
Dear Doctor Frederick,
I am the head of a political organisation. We are currently quite short on money as a result of sundry financial and possibly legal difficulties which will, I am sure, be of no immediate interest to you. In the current financial year this shortfall may not be too significant but we will require major investment in the years leading up to 2009 - 2010 and planning for this begins now.
The reason I mentioned a loan is because we are required under British law to declare any donations to our cause, but not loans which are not covered by this regulation. As such, and given the importance of confidentiality of which you speak, a "loan" would probably be preferable. As I suggested in my previous email, though, it would only be a "loan" for legal purposes - it would not be repayable and would serve the same purpose as a direct investment.
Another possibility would be to invest directly in members of my organisation, for example they could take out mortgages on their homes and your money could then be channelled to them as "donations" which they would use to repay the loans immediately afterwards, this money would then be "clean" and not tracable back to yourselves.
I am in my early fifties, married to a very lovely lady named Cherie, and resident in Central London. I am also a practising Christian.
Anthony ("Tony") Eugenides
Nice to hear from you again,i and mrs. Savimbi have carefully gone through your mail which contents are quite elaborate.
Your idea of donations,paid as loan on mortgage is quite appealing and interesting to us. one thing that is not really clear is how then do we get the dividends in return for our investment, should we agree for example on your proposal. pls elaborate more on this issue.
Kindly inform us on the name of your political group and your goal/objectives.
Thank you,Dr. Frederick
Dear Dr F,
To be honest I had not really thought about how to repay your investment.
You see, our party is in a position of influence in this country; so when anonymous donors give us money, rather than pay a dividend, we tend to reward them in more subtle ways. For example, we might make them the head of a government taskforce, or award them lucrative public sector contracts, that kind of thing. To be honest repaying the money would make life a bit difficult for us.
We also offer honours - like Sir Trevor or Lord Sainsbury - for those who have been particularly generous. Would Mrs Savimbi like to be Lady Savimbi? Angola doesn't really fall within our patch but there are always ways and means to do these things.
PS Please advise if Mrs Savimbi has a holiday home or villa in southern Africa as Cherie would like to go somewhere warm this year and our good friend Mr B, with whom we have holidayed in the past, may not be on the scene much longer.
In my last mail to you, i had desired to know the name of the political party you belong to, so that i may get my self informed adequately concerning how the party is doing over there in England. you see one thing about politics is a game of gamble, i was once a patron to a political party, and i know from what i'm speaking from.
What about, after making donors, your party lost on all level of the government, how do you then compensate me, with this loss? In event of a win of your party,awarding of contracts to us,is also something to reckon with, but first i must solicit the interest of Mrs. Savimbi,then we shall reach a decision and get back to you.
Don't you count it for too early for me to ask Mrs. Savimbi of your wife's vacation to Africa? we have barely know one another, so please lets leave that out for now,and concentrate more on how best we can achieve this transaction. As soon as our goal is met, my family and yours are definitely going to meet one another, but on a more solid way.
Pls,be informed that, i will be on a business trip to Morocco, for 2 days. after returning i shall update you on our outcome concerning donations....Pals bear with me.
NB: Can you pls quote your full name and position held in your party.
I must now confess that "Mr Eugenides" was a pseudonym - a nom de plume, if you will, to hide my true identity.
My real name is Anthony Charles Lynton Blair, and I lead a party called New Labour.
Small bills only. Things are getting hot around here, and the fuzz are on my tail.
Sorry, the information you gave concerning your party"the new labour party" is just a HOAX. as explained by you. there had been no new formation of a new labour party, hence the labour party headed by Tony blair , Gordon Brown, Peter Madelson etc...were only cited as the new creator and architects of new Labour, this term originates from a conference slogan first used by the LABOUR PARTY in 1994, which was later seen in a draft manifesto published by the party in 1996, called new labour, new life for Britain.
Mr..x..give it up. We need somebody serious with a focus.
Dear "Doctor Frederick", or whatever your real fucking name is,
Yes, I've just been hoaxing you all this time. I'm not really the leader of the Labour Party, and I don't really want to help you invest your money.
Fucking irritating when somebody makes up a load of shit just to waste your time, isn't it? Go and bother somebody else, you parasitic cocksucker.